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Guest post by Joe They, Veteran and Bridge Enthusiast
In one of the greatest training innovations since the introduction of PowerPoint, the managers of transition planning classes for separating or retiring military members will now use real bridges as part of their training. Trainees will spend at least one night under a real bridge to better prepare them for post-military life. "We noticed a lot of veterans had pretty pathetic set-ups under bridges and knew we could help." said Omar Robinson, a retired Coast Guard Lieutenant Commander, who spent his last three years on Active Duty creating his current civilian position as a transition planning class program manager. "Most of them weren't doing basic things like putting cardboard under their tents or properly securing shopping carts by removing two wheels. We were failing them." The big revelation came while Robinson was on a mid-workday walk/jog and noticed many veterans struggling with proper under-bridge skills. "If I hadn't had that 90 minutes to kill between my volleyball practice and the galley opening for lunch I would have never seen it." he added, emphatically aware of how things could have turned out. Fortunately for future transitioning veterans, fate and pathological work-dodging interceded. "But now we'll be able to help theses veterans transition into their best under-bridge life; that's what they deserve."
"But now we'll be able to help theses veterans transition into their best under-bridge life; that's what they deserve."
To obtain a remarkably rapid 13-month approval, Robinson sketched up his idea in PowerPoint using clipart which he then printed out and scanned to email to his chain of command. "Even though we're proud of our agility on this, I regret we could not move faster on the Real Bridge idea." said Steve Billings, a retired Army E-9 and Omar Robinson's supervisor. "You know how it is. Our telework days and compressed work schedule days-off never align and an idea like this needs a meeting or four. Also, we tend to schedule volleyball practices for the days we are all in so, you know..." The next step was finding a bridge. Although many veterans have no problem finding bridges to live under, finding an available underpass on a base turned out to be an exceedingly hard thing to do. Robinson pointed out the obvious challenge by saying "Congress only likes to buy weapons systems that are manufactured in their home districts and that can be repurposed later for civil police forces." Bridges are simply not sexy purchases so they don't get the spotlight and momentum. Fortunately, the idea of pairing bridges with veterans caught the right ear. "When Omar and Steve mentioned their Real Bridge idea to me in-between our regular mid-Tuesday volleyball game marathon, I immediately had my staff introduce a bill to fund the construction on a few bases." said non-voting Representative Frank Sherman (R-Puerto Rico). "Fortunately it was January so we still had not passed a full funding bill for the year and I could squeeze it in for approval." It is worth noting, congress probably could have done it even faster but they all telework in January, plus February is committed to preparing for the President Day Volleyball tournament. The military construction budget was given funding to build two bridges, one each on centrally located bases on each coast where trainees will assemble for transition classes. To ensure the bridges do not get repurposed away from their intended training mission, the bridges will not actually connect to anything or go over anything. The expensive planning study being done by a group of awesome retired civil engineers is expected to deliver the draft plans any year now. Looking forward, Representative Sherman is expected to speak at the ground breaking ceremony where he will reiterate congress' commitment to doing anything they can for veterans, except for avoiding unending wars or impacting the rampant military industrial complex or generally funding health care. "If we can help one veteran live a slightly less-unsightly life under a bridge, then this will all be worth it." Rep Sherman added while his cross-party teammates waited for him to "serve the ball already."
Not ones to wait around, Robinson and Billings are already preparing a scope of work for a training consultant to design the under bridge living curriculum. "These are exciting times," said Robinson "I think we're going with Times New Roman and Cornflower Blue accents for the scope of work font." Billings nodded in agreement but then insisted on noting something else. "Look, although this Real Bridge idea is important, I want to be very clear that our transition planning program is still fully committed to maximizing VA disability benefits. If we must, we'll just cut more of the resume writing and interview technique sessions. We're not losing sight of what is really important." ~
PS: Happy Veteran's Day! This is obviously satire, but the ability of people to not see what is obvious never ceases to surprise me. What does surprise me is the challenges many veterans face each day and how they face them with the same courage that motivated them to serve in the first place. Thank a Vet. Talk to a Vet, Hire a vet. Carry-on!
